New low: just hacked my moms facebook
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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