I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
