He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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