May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
