You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
