well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
