Pants 0. Shit 1.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
