I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This toilet bowl is my home.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
