he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
