Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
