I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
