i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
