i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This baby is an asshole
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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