if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
