Plan B is the new Plan A
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
