We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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