I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
