So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Let's get the cat blown out
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
