If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
