He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
