Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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