Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
