she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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