I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Less talking, more tequila
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
