Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
