i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
