i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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