she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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