just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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