Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
