Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
