I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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