Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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