$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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