I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
