what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
