some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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