I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
