dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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