I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
