like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
