Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
