so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
