Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
