now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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