You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
