he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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