I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
