After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
