I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
