I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
