'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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